<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>PTSD by Bee453</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589202">PTSD</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bee453/pseuds/Bee453'>Bee453</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Stimulation, Boyfriends, Concerned Firefam, Fluff, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stress Relief, adhd!buck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:15:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bee453/pseuds/Bee453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Buck and Eddie had finally pulled their heads out of their butt's and realized their feelings for each other. To celebrate Bobby throws a BBQ at the Nash house. Eddie and Maddie are the only one's who know Buck has PTSD and ADHD. What happens when a water fight breaks out and Buck can't handle the stress? How will the team react?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Supposed to be just another day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So i am not very good at summaries but I tried. My writing is usually better and I have seen so many people asking for an ADHD!Buck fic so here it goes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck couldn't believe Eddie actually wanted him. The day they got together will forever be ingrained in his memory. Eddie had asked him to babysit so he could go try to ask out Ana... Again. But returned acting weird and quiet most of the night. Once they had finally settled Chris into bed, Eddie had asked him to stay for a while to talk. Buck had of coursed feared the worse. That Eddie caught on to his jealousy and didn't want to be friends anymore. He tried to settle it though, drinking his third beer in less than an hour. There was no way he could drive home if this ended badly but he could call for an Uber and he knows Eddie would allow him to leave his car there. Friends or not he wouldn't let Buck drive after drinking that many. But instead of ultimate rejection Eddie told him Ana had pointed out something that he had been avoiding since before Shannon died. He had fallen in love with Buck and wanted to be so much more than friends. So needless to say after a night of shamelessly making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers, and a morning filled with Chris being ecstatic and pancakes, they got to work and disclosed to Bobby they finally got into a relationship. By the end of shift Bobby had invited everyone home for the weekend to celebrate them getting together and May's first week at college. </p>
<p>Buck decided after a long shift that he really just needed some sleep and chose to stay at his apartment. Agreeing to meet up at Eddie's the next morning before joining him and Chris to head to Bobby and Athena's. Unfortunately no matter how exhausted he was, sleep wouldn't find him. So he stayed up all night researching random facts. All things he could share with Christopher, before finally obtaining sleep around 4 am. 4 hours before having to be up. </p>
<p>Buck sluggishly made his way down the stairs and grabbed his keys. It should be against the law to be awake earlier than 10 am on a Saturday. Or his first day off in what feels like weeks. He had rushed to the bathroom and gotten dressed. He forgot he had left his hair gel at Eddie's until he entered the bathroom. He knew his curls were probably all over the place, but also knew Chris and Eddie secretly loved the curls. Chris because they matched his untamed curls, and Eddie because He finds unkempt Buck extremely attractive. When he constantly sees his boyfriend clean shaven, gelled back hair, and bright eyed and busy tailed, seeing him freshly out of bed before he did everything to tame his hair was a major turn on. Not that they've gone beyond making out. Buck almost felt like Eddie was nervous to take it there. Despite their conversation that Buck was ready whenever he was and that he didn't feel like he would revert to Buck 1.0 since it felt like they had been dating for almost two years anyways. Buck should have been the one who was nervous about it anyways. While he's kissed guys, he's never had sex with one like Eddie has. And Eddie already knows he doesn't like bottoming and while he casually mentioned it while stating he wouldn't mind switching it up if Buck wanted, Buck knew that in his eyes he was assigning himself to be bottom. He doesn't like pushing people into doing things he knows they don't like when it comes to sex. Wants both of them to feel good and happy. And if that meant letting Eddie top him, He was all for it. Plus Buck secretly loved being manhandled. </p>
<p>By the time he pulled into Eddie's drive his eyes were burning and he kept yawning. Buck parked his jeep before climbing out and locking the door. He went up to the door and decided to knock in case Chris wasn't up yet. A few seconds later Eddie was pulling the door open. </p>
<p>"I've got it Mi hijo, just finish your cereal so we can go. Hey, Buck. Why didn't you just come in?" He asked, turning to Buck. </p>
<p>"I wasn't sure if Chris was up yet." </p>
<p>"You're my boyfriend, Chris not being awake yet doesn't me you can't come in. You have a key for a reason. Besides I know if you don't think he's up you're not going to make a ton of noise. Now come greet me properly." Eddie smirked.</p>
<p>Buck smiled and fluttered his eye lashes, stepping into Eddie's embrace. He tucked his head into Eddie's neck and let himself relax when Eddie ran a hand through his messy hair. Buck pulled back slightly to get in a decent kiss knowing Chris would fake gag if he caught them later. He sighed when their lips finally connected, Bucks arms around Eddie's neck, Eddie's wrapped around his waist. It always surprised Buck how perfectly his waist fit into Eddie's palm. Like it was meant to be there. They disconnected when they heard Chris yell that he was done. Eddie smiled at Buck. </p>
<p>"Will you leave your hair like this today." </p>
<p>Buck scrunched up his nose.  "Why?" </p>
<p>"Chris is stay at Denny's tonight." </p>
<p>"Oh. You fight dirty." </p>
<p>"You love it though." He smirked. "Is that a yes." </p>
<p>Buck pouted but nodded nonetheless. </p>
<p>"BUCKY!" </p>
<p>"CHRIS!" He yelled back enthusiastically, sliding by Eddie to enter the house and walked into the dining area where Chris attacked him. </p>
<p>"Are you ready to go to Bobby and Athena's?" He asked. </p>
<p>"Yeah, Bucky! A-are you?" </p>
<p>"I am now that I have my favorite Diaz." </p>
<p>"Hey!" Eddie protested. </p>
<p>"I mean my second favorite Diaz." Buck said loudly, while shaking his head no. Chris in a fit of giggles in his arms. </p>
<p>"I can see you shaking your head Mi Amor." Eddie laughed. "Come on before we are late." </p>
<p>"Away we gooooo!" Buck said, turning and running out to Eddie's truck. </p>
<p>"A child... I'm dating a child." Eddie laughed walking up to the truck and helping get Chris situated. </p>
<p>"You love me anyway." </p>
<p>"That I do." Eddie quickly kissed Buck's cheek before opening his door. Waiting until Buck climbed in to go around to the driver's side. Once on the way Chris and Buck quickly found themselves in a conversation sharing random facts with each other.  Something Eddie knows Buck does when he can't fall asleep.</p>
<p>"Did you know that the longest wedding veil was nearly 23,000 feet long, which is the same length as 63 1/2 football fields. Or that a unicorn is the national animal of Scotland. M&amp;M stands for Mars and Murrie, for Forrest mars the son of the founder of mars company founder and  Bruce Murrie who was the son of the Hershey's Chocolate president. You can hear a blue whale's heart over two miles away and it weighs 400 pounds. A baby Puffin is called a Puffling, and the parents carry around 10 fish in its beak, but the most ever recorded was a puffin who carried 62 fish. Chris can you believe that? A Puffin carried 62 fish in it's beak at one time. That's crazy." </p>
<p>"Buck, h-how do you know all t-that?" Chris asked. </p>
<p>"I don't know. I like to look up weird facts, things people may not know, like statistics on natural disasters, and fun facts on animals. Like did you know that California was hit by a tsunami in 2011 when a 9.0 earthquake happened in Japan. And then there was the one we went through but its a rare thing. AND if you guys still lived in Texas, Austin just had a solar storm hit. The last solar storm to hit the US was in 1859." </p>
<p>"Buck, Babe, breathe. We're here. Did you get any sleep last night?" </p>
<p>"Yeah." Buck answered and hopped out, pulling Chris from his seat and following him to the door. They knocked and Athena opened the door with a smile. </p>
<p>"Christopher, how are you sweetie, the kids are all out back. Looks like your dad wants to talk to Buck. Why don't we leave them be for a little bit and go join everyone. Aunt Maddie has been waiting to see you!" </p>
<p>Buck turned away from the door to catch Eddie standing with his arms crossed and staring at him. "What?" </p>
<p>"I'm kicking myself for not noticing how tired you look earlier." </p>
<p>"Ed's I'm fine." </p>
<p>"Yeah your bloodshot eyes, fidgeting, and constantly saying facts proves that. You only talk that randomly when your ADHD is kicking up. Have you been taking your pills?" </p>
<p>"Yeah I've been taking them every... uh I may have forgot this morning... and yesterday. Actually I can't remember the last time I took it." </p>
<p>"Baby... You have to remember to take it. I mean if you want to you can leave it at my place or in my work bag that way I can remind you. But the therapist said taking the meds is the only way to get the ADHD under control and to help you focus so you can talk about the right things bothering you instead of always rambling about random things. How long did you sleep last night?" </p>
<p>"Four hours." </p>
<p>"Well I'm sure you'll pass out half way through the party." He smirked at me. </p>
<p>"I will not." </p>
<p>"Then don't just eat the sweets you know Bobby made." </p>
<p>"That's cruel and unusual punishment. I love carbs and sweets, you cant expect me to pass on brownies, or cupcakes, or cookies. That's like telling Chris he can't smile. It's impossi-" Eddie cut Buck off with a kiss.</p>
<p>"Come on. You can eat whatever you want. I'm only joking." Eddie said, pushing through the door.</p>
<p>They joined everyone in the backyard. Buck grabbed a lemonade to drink and went to join Hen, Karen, and Maddie to say hello. He was trying hard to stay still and focused but he kept rocking up and down, staring at every little thing that moved, snapping his fingers, or scratching at his arm. Maddie knew immediately what was going on. He was trying not to stim, he hated stimming in front of other people. Eddie is the only person besides Maddie that hasn't made him feel awkward about stimming and He's seen the worse of it. The loud humming, covering his ears, rocking back and forth in the midst of a break down. Eddie hadn't run. He sat and waited until Buck could tell him what he needed then wrapped Buck up in a tight hold until Buck felt okay again. </p>
<p>"You okay, Buck?" Karen asked. </p>
<p>"Hm... Im okay. Are you okay? is Hen okay? Is Maddie okay? Is Bobby okay?" He kept asking the same question back just with other people's name, he started bouncing faster, his skin felt like it was on fire. </p>
<p>"Buck, do you have ADHD?" </p>
<p>He dropped his lemonade. Making a lot of noise as the glass shattered on the patio. He winced. "Oh no. oh no. oh no. oh no." Buck quickly dropped down to pick up the glass. Maddie leaning down to help him. </p>
<p>"It's okay if they know, Evan." Maddie whispered. </p>
<p>"I know. I'm okay. Are you okay?" </p>
<p>"I'm fine. Do you need a calm minute." Maddie asked touching his arm lightly. </p>
<p>Buck looked up. Noticing everyone in the yard watching him. "Im okay, gonna grab a water bottle." He stood up and threw the glass pieces into the bin he knew Athena leaves for broken glass items. He walked over to the refreshment table. Meeting Eddie half way there. </p>
<p>"You okay." </p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Buck asked back. </p>
<p>"Thought so. Let's go find a calm space for a minute. I'll ask Athena, you stay right here."</p>
<p>Buck knew Eddie knew what he needed without needing a straight answer. Part of his stimming was repeating questions he didn't necessarily want to answer. Buck grabbed a water bottle and continued to bounce on his feet when he was slammed in the back with freezing cold water. He froze as his panic started. All he could think about was the tsunami and saving Christopher. Eddie who happened to look over and saw Denny and Chris throwing water on Buck rushed over. </p>
<p>"Chris, Denny, why'd you do that? You know he doesn't like water fights." </p>
<p>"Sorry Daddy. We just wanted to play." </p>
<p>"You two head over there and play together." Eddie waited until they turned away before turning to the frantic looking Buck. </p>
<p>Buck was panting in fear, but couldn't move. He was staring right at the table but was seeing nothing. </p>
<p>"Baby, Buck?" Eddie kept trying to get his attention. </p>
<p>"Eddie, the guest room is free." Athena pushed gently. </p>
<p>"Evan, Baby, walk with me." </p>
<p>Finally drawing Buck's attention to him, Buck collapsed into Eddies arms and his body rocked with sobs. </p>
<p>No one but Maddie and Eddie seemed to know what to do. They watched as Eddie managed to lift Buck bridal style and carry him into the house. Everyone was silent. Not wanting to get back to party mood until they knew Buck was okay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Breathe for me.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Aftermath of a PTSD induced panic attack.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck was practically limp in Eddie’s arms. His entire back was drenched and while he knew that he was safe and wasn’t back in the tsunami he couldn’t help but feel panicked at randomly being soaked. He’s gotten better, he can even go to the water park with Chris now, but only when he is expecting it. Like a shower. If he knows he's going to take a shower he can put his face under the stream. When he got hit with excess water from the firehose he panicked slightly but didn’t freak out because he saw the water before it hit him. He could see it and convince himself that it really wasn’t from a random tsunami. But this? This he hadn’t seen coming. Wasn’t expecting to be called out on his ADHD nor was he expecting to be soaked to the bone with cold water. </p><p>Once they entered the guest room he could hear Eddie telling Maddie where his work back was in his truck. Always carrying extra shirts and sweats. The pants he knew would be his but he stole his extra shirt from the bag two days ago when He had to wash the dishes and couldn’t stand the wet material.  So it would have to be Eddie’s extra shirt. Which was fine. All of Eddie’s clothes still smelled like him. Smelled like home. Comforting, safe, loving. The only environment he needed right now. Once Maddie took off to grab the dry clothes, Eddie turned his attention to his boyfriend. </p><p>“Babe, can you tell me what you need?” He asked. </p><p>Buck made a noise that could only be described as a choking whine. He pulled his hands to cover his ears. Eddie gently lowered him to the ground and backed away giving Buck room to rock and waited. When Buck was able to he would tell Eddie what he needs but for the moment it was a waiting game. Five minutes later and Buck was still rocking himself and humming, the humming growing louder with each passing minute. Eddie was frozen on the bed. Last time Buck was able to calm himself down and tell him what he needed. This time he just seems to be getting worse. When Maddie returned with the dry clothes he wasn’t any better. </p><p>“Oh, Evan.” She whispered. With tears in her eyes she crouched behind him and placed the dry clothes down. She gently moved his hands from his ears despite his fighting her. She crossed his arms in an x across her chest and then squeezed onto him tight. “Softer or Harder?” </p><p>“H-harder.” She nodded and Eddie could see as she squeezed tighter. </p><p>“Better or worse?” </p><p>“I n-need tighter. “ He whispered. </p><p>“I think Eddie can do it tighter than I can. Would it be okay if he takes over?” </p><p>“Y-yes.” </p><p>Eddie quickly moved to sit behind Evan, wrapping him up much like Maddie had done. “Softer or harder?” </p><p>“Harder please.” Eddie squeezed tighter. </p><p>“Better or worse?” </p><p>“Better.” </p><p>Maddie nodded. “Every few minutes ask him if he needs softer or harder. As he calms down he will say softer and eventually you won’t need to hold him.” She whispered, before slowly leaving the room. </p><p> </p><p>Eddie continued to do as said, sometimes he would release too fast and would have to return to the exact pressure he had been using but eventually his arms were loosely wrapped around Buck who was now leaned back onto Eddie’s chest. They continued to sit for a few minutes longer before Buck started to move. Eddie cautiously let him go. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I ruined the party.” </p><p>“You didn’t ruin anything. Everyone is still here and just waiting for you to feel up to returning. Take your time.” Eddie reassured. </p><p>Buck nodded. He slowly got up and looked at the pile of clothes. Eddie handed them over without needing to be asked. Buck quickly changed into a LAFD t-shirt with the name Diaz boldly printed across the back, new underwear, and his sweatpants.</p><p>“Now I'm severely underdressed.” </p><p>“Trust me no one is caring about your clothes.” </p><p>“Alright, tell me what kind of jokes should I be prepared for?” </p><p>“I don’t think even Chim is going to make a joke about this.” </p><p>“Really? Just how bad was it.” </p><p>“It was worse than I’ve seen before. Maddie knew exactly what to do though. Now so do I.” </p><p>Buck nodded before giving a shaky smile. “Alright, let’s go grab some food. I’m starving.” </p><p>“Wait, we can’t ignore what just happened. You have to talk to me, let me know what was going through your head.” </p><p>“Later.” </p><p>“Buck, if you wait until later you won’t want to talk about it then either.” </p><p>“Ed’s I have a skype appointment with my counselor at 6. If you would like to sit with me while I am on it you can. I will talk about it. Right now, I just want to ease the awkward tension and grab some food. I don’t want to deal with how embarrassed I feel right now.” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Whatever you need.” </p><p>“Thank you.” Buck walked closer to Eddie, he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s shoulders and tucked his face into his neck. Eddie automatically wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist. They stood there for a few minutes before Buck pulled back and kissed Eddie.  </p><p> </p><p>“I love you.” Buck said, placing his forehead against Eddies. </p><p>“I love you too, Evan.” </p><p>Buck pulled away. “This changes none of the plans for tonight.” </p><p>“Okay if you’re still up for what I had planned later then that’s fine by me.”  </p><p>“Race you to the brownies.” Buck took off as soon as he finished speaking.</p><p>“Hey, that’s cheating!” By the time Eddie sauntered outback Buck was already stuffing his face with a brownie. Chris standing right next to him with a bright smile. At least They were still okay. </p><p>“Hey Buddy, did you and Denny apologize to Buck?” </p><p>“Yes, Daddy. Bucky said not to worry about it.” </p><p>“Oh he did?” </p><p>“Yes, they were just playing Ed's. It's all good.” </p><p>The look on Buck’s face was telling Eddie to drop it. So He did, Chris headed off to sit with all the other kids when Bobby yelled that the burger’s were done. Eddie got a plate for Chris. Heading back and joining Buck to get his own plate. While he had a little bit of everything Buck had gone all out and got a little of this and that but piled his plate high with potato salad, macaroni salad, and quinoa salad. Eddie shook his head. He really did love his carbs. The chatter over lunch was normal, something which Buck was grateful for. He really didn’t want to answer any questions right now. </p><p>Hours later after food, games, and lots of laughter, Buck and Eddie were saying goodbye to Chris. Once all the goodbyes were said, they headed out to Eddie’s truck. They still had two hours before Buck’s Skype therapy so they made a stop at the store to grab something quick and easy for dinner. They settled on Italian sandwiches. They made it home in the LA traffic with minutes to spare. Buck went to grab Eddie’s laptop while Eddie made the sandwiches and placed them in the fridge. He joined Buck shortly after the session started. Sitting next to him on the couch and listening. </p><p> “Everything was going great until today.” </p><p>“What happened today?” </p><p>“We were at a barbecue with the team and I keep forgetting to take my meds, so I was antsy and stimming in front of everyone, Hen called me out on it, asking if I had ADHD so I ended up dropping my glass of lemonade, then I went to get a water bottle and Chris and Denny threw water all over me and I panicked. I don’t really remember what happened between getting water thrown on me and coming out of it against Eddie’s chest.” </p><p>“Who is Denny again?”  </p><p>“He’s around Chris’ age. He’s Hen and Karen’s son.” </p><p>“So they were just trying to play and didn’t mean to trigger you. What were you thinking when it all happened?” </p><p>“About the tsunami.” </p><p>“What exactly about the tsunami?” </p><p>“When it first hit. I noticed the water and ran, trying to get everyone off the pier, I knew Chris and I weren’t going to make it somewhere safe in time so I placed him in a game booth. I figured if I could soften the blow, he would stand a chance. I turned to see how far away the water was and it was right there, there were so many people screaming and running. All I could do was try to get in the booth myself. So I turned and jumped and the water hit me before I could land.” </p><p>“So the water hit you from behind?” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“I think that’s why you panic when something happens that you don’t see. It triggers your memory of being scared and hoping for the best. The water hit you from behind before you could land and shield Christopher. Which is another reason I think you struggle with the memory of the tsunami. You still blame yourself.” </p><p>“Well, yeah I mean, I was supposed to take him to the movies. Instead I had gone outside for the first time in a week and thought “It’s a nice day. How about the pier?” If I hadn’t Chris wouldn’t have been on that pier. He wouldn’t have gotten swept away with the water, he wouldn’t have been clinging to a telephone pole yelling for me. And If I hadn’t been so focused on trying to save everyone I could he never would have fallen off the firetruck and I wouldn’t have lost him. Some lady found him and I’m just lucky she brought him to the VA. I was telling Eddie I had lost his son. The pain in his eyes and the utter betrayal still haunts me when I sleep.” </p><p>“It was a natural disaster, Evan. You couldn’t have predicted that a tsunami would happen. Can I ask Eddie a question?” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“Eddie, how does it feel for you, as his boyfriend, to hear that Evan blames himself, that he thinks he lost your son, and that he feels you felt betrayed by him when he told you?” </p><p>“Honestly, it hurts. I have never blamed Evan. I understand where it’s coming from but I disagree with it. When I saw you standing there like a deer in headlights my first thought was he’s hurt and bleeding and on blood thinners. I was worried for you. When I realized Chris wasn’t with you I got nervous. You looked at me and you told me you were so sorry and that you had tried to keep him safe. I thought you were there to tell me OUR son was dead. So yes I felt pain. I had just lost Shannon not too long ago and then my best friend was starting to tell me my son was dead. I felt lost and broken. When I saw Chris in that lady’s arms I was so relieved because both of my boys were standing in front of me. But only one was unscathed. He wasn’t hurt at all because of you, Ev. When You collapsed I was so scared. Maddie literally kicked me out and told me to bring Chris home because I didn’t want to leave you. I never felt betrayed by you. Not once did I blame you. Not once did I think that you had hurt or killed my son. I didn’t think you lost him. I know you and I could tell from your exhaustion, your bloody arm, and your limp that you had never given up looking for our son. I realized I loved you that night.” </p><p>“But.” <br/>“Evan, Please. Eddie has told you how he feels now tell him how hearing that made you feel.” </p><p>“Lost. I’ve always thought between that and the tsunami that you would hate me. Then you told me you loved me and we got together and now when I have all this anger at myself for possibly losing and killing Chris, you tell me that’s the night you realized you loved me. I want to believe you, and I do to a certain extent but I don't think there's anything anyone can say that I will stop blaming myself. I almost cried when I opened the door and you and Chris were standing there the next morning. I still get anxious taking him places alone. I do it because you have told me over and over you trust me and it makes Chris happy but I feel like I’m always waiting for you to realize I’m no good. Just like Abby and Ali did.” </p><p>“I will never, ever, feel like you are no good. I don’t plan on leaving you. I’m in this for the long haul. Abby and Ali don’t know the mistake they made. If you are really that anxious about taking Chris out then we can work up to you doing it alone. I can be there for movies, the zoo, all the big things and if and when you feel ready we can start small, like going to the store, going to pick up dinner, pick him up from school or Abuela’s. When you are ready, I will be right behind you. I promised I had your back and I fully intend to do so.” </p><p>“Evan, can you tell me what happened during your attack.” </p><p>“I remember being carried to a guest room and Maddie left to get me some dry clothes. That's it.” </p><p>“Eddie?”</p><p>“He was humming, rocking, and covering his ears. He couldn’t tell me what he needed. At first I thought he would be able to calm himself enough to tell me what he needed but he couldn’t. Maddie came in and pulled his hands away from his ears, crossed his arms across his chest and held him tight. When he needed it to be tighter than she could do he let me do it. Eventually I was able to just loosely hold him and he just laid against me quietly for a bit. The whole time he was crying or saying sorry, or humming. “ </p><p>“Evan, I think when you were triggered by your PTSD it caused you to have a panic attack which caused you to have to revert back to what you needed Maddie to do as a child. I remember you telling me your parents would get mad at you and it would require Maddie holding you like that to calm down. Our time is almost up but I’d like to suggest Eddie attending our next session in person. I would like to try a little hypnosis, maybe try to trigger you and see if there are ways we can help you calm yourself. Would that be okay?” </p><p>“Sure.” </p><p>“Okay, I will see you Tuesday at 4.” </p><p>“Okay, Thanks” </p><p>The call ended and Buck quickly made his way to the kitchen to eat. He was in the midst of his first bite when Eddie entered the room. Buck turned his back. He really didn’t want to talk about his feelings anymore tonight.</p><p>“Buck, I’m not going to make you talk. You don’t have to try to hide.” </p><p>“Are we still going to have sex tonight?” </p><p>Eddie laughed. “Yes. We can still have sex tonight.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I left it here because I wasn't sure if anyone wants me to actually do the sex scene so I will leave it to the comments. If people want it I will do it. If not then thats that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>